Yoho Yoho, a pirate (reject) life for me
by jason5-evah
Summary: Finn had a dream: to be a pirate.


When Finn turned 18 he hid on a pirate ship with only his only his hopes and a bag filled with the few things he had. He was found by the captain of the ship and thrown overboard. Afterwards, he found an island and on the lonely island he found rum. He drank it even though he was under the age limit, but he was a reject pirate so no one gave a crap ( and because no one else was on the island). While on the island he ran out of rum and needed so find more.

While he was looking for the rum he was attacked by a bunch of jerk monsters. He figured whatever they were guarding had to be worth at least one bottle of rum. He found the mean guy named Chernabog in a cool mansion and knew he had to get rid of him to obtain his mansion (And all the rum if there was any). So Finn devised a plan.

"Hey, Chernabog!" Finn yelled outside the mansion. "Ever hear of red rum?"

"NO YOU FIFTLY PEASANT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY ISLAND."

"Red rum. You've never heard of it?" Finn asked.

"Is red rum actually a thing. HOLD ON. I'm googling it," Chernabog said.

While Chernabog was using the internet on his island, Finn was about to get inside the mansion and attack Chernabog. As Chernabog died, Finn said, "Red rum is murder spelled backwards."

And Chernabog felt like a complete idiot while he died.

So Finn took over the island and was so happy because he now had this awesome mansion. At least he thought until this lady came in yelling about what happened.

"WHO ARE YOU!?" the green lady asked. Finn told her who he was and she asked what happened to her apparent husband.

"I came in here to find him dead. I don't know who killed him. I just wanted to look for help since I'm all alone on this island."

"Help me find the murderer and I'll help you out!" Maleficent said. Finn agreed, of course, and the two became good friends.

Maleficent and Finn were talking one night and Finn told Maleficent that he thought he found the killer. The person had the motive of being underappreciated. She didn't have the alibi for what she was doing that night. The killer was obviously Cruella. Plus, Maleficent hated Cruella a lot anyways so she sent Finn to kill her. He threw a wrench at her head and she died.

One day, Finn was comforted by the dude Maleficent was cheating with while she was with Chernabog. His name was Jafar and he was a loser. Jafar told Finn that he knew that Finn had killed Chernabog. So Finn did the only thing he could do… he drank rum. And then he killed Jafar. Finn knew he would have to have someone take the blame so he threw Jafar's body in the ocean and told Maleficent that Ursula had killed him.

Maleficent never liked Ursula so she sent out a party to get Ursula out of the ocean. There was this great battle and Ursula ended up being thrown into the island's volcano. She died.

So after a while of Finn being Maleficent's advisor, she asked Finn how he ended up on the island and Finn never gave an answer. So Maleficent respected that answer for a little while until her curiosity got the best of her. She looked into her glow staff of magic and found out Finn's story about him being a reject pirate alcoholic (No wonder he drank rum all the time). She continued to watch and was shocked to see that Finn was the cause of all these murders (She didn't care about Ursula or Jafar dying. Like she never liked them anyways even though her and Jafar had a thing going, but she loved Chernabog). She was so sad and angry at Finn. She had to get her revenge. She wanted to know what true pain was like! So she set her plan into action.

Mali introduced Finn to this girl named Amanda and the two hit it off. They were so happy together and one day, in secret, Amanda told Finn that she was sent to get him to fall in love with her so she could kill him. Amanda didn't want to kill Finn because Finn liked her so much he stopped drinking rum for her. Together they had to destroy Maleficent and claim her island. So Finn and Amanda were able to push Mali into the volcano, never to be seen again.

* * *

"And then I woke up," Finn said to Amanda while eating his ice cream. They were currently at the Golden Horseshoe on the second floor. So far they were people watching down below. Parents were yelling at kids. Kids were running out of their seats. Couples were on terrible dates since one the two looked miserable. And then there was Finn and Amanda just talking about Finn's strange dream before the show that was about to start. "Pretty weird, right?"

"What did you eat last night?" Amanda asked. "Like that was the weirdest thing you have ever told me and you can turn into a hologram."

Finn shrugged. "I just don't understand the whole rum obsession. Dreams are supposed to be things you desire or afraid of or things that relate to your day and such, right? I don't want to be a pirate stranded on an island drinking _rum_."

"Actually you were a _reject_ pirate alcoholic," she said taking a bite of his ice cream.

"Whatever," he said. "I just hope I don't have any more strange dreams."

"Just don't eat pizza right before you go to bed," she said.

"I never said I ate pizza."

"Well, did you?"

"Uh, yes," he muttered.

"Predictable." She glanced at a family down below. A kid fell out of her chair. Of course. "It was just a dumb dream, Finn. Don't analyze it like you do with everything."

"I don't analyze everything."

She gave him the _are you kidding me_ look and then took another bite of ice cream they were now sharing. "Last week you asked me if Mickey Mouse could be an Overtaker because of a theory online. You were up all night long debating if any ounce of it held any truth."

"It was a false alarm and it wasn't Mickey Mouse. It was a parallel universe Mickey Mouse, but that's not the point," Finn said. "And I know it was just a dream, but I woke up with this unnerving feeling and I haven't really shaken it off yet."

"Probably all the rum you were drinking."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that was it."

"Finn, it's just a dumb dream. Everyone has weird dreams. It means nothing. Just enjoy the odd dreams for now. It's probably a good break not waking up in a park when you go to sleep."

"Yeah," he said smiling. "You're right. It's a dumb dream."

The lights in the Golden Horseshoe made their attention towards the stage. The show was about to start. Amanda gave him a smile and the two closed the conversation by watching the show.


End file.
